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The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner, and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Before
marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
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